


Your Secret Admirer

by champagnejily



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:55:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29032794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/champagnejily/pseuds/champagnejily
Summary: Letters between James and Lily as their relationship goes from nemeses to friends and on.
Relationships: James Potter & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Sixth Year

**Author's Note:**

> Originally published 1/1/12 on ff.net.

* * *

**February 12th, 1976**

**Dearest Evans,**

**I have written this letter again and again, and have come to the conclusion that there is no easy way to say this.**

**I am undeniably and positively in love with you.**

**Whether it is your shocking red locks, or your brilliant green eyes, or your lovely personality, I simply cannot decide. All I know is that between your absolute perfection, and my own, we just can't continue to live like this. And so, I write you this letter to ask you if you would do me the honour of joining me on Saturday, February 14th, for a lovely Valentine's date in Hogsmeade Village.**

**Meet me in the courtyard at ten. I'll be the good-looking one in the Gryffindor scarf.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 13th, 1976_

_Dear "Secret Admirer,"_

_Nice try Potter. I know this is you, Remus told me you were in the Owlery yesterday night. Not that I cared where you were, he just mentioned. Besides, it isn't like you made your note very discreet. "Your perfection, and my own?" "I'll be the good-looking one in the scarf?" Obviously, my secret admirer would have to be a conceited Gryffindor, and Black isn't the one obsessed with asking me out daily._

_So in answer to your question, no. I will not be meeting you in Hogsmeade on Saturday. As a matter of fact, I have a date already. One that won't sicken me to look at, like you would._

_And stop shouting that you're in love with me every time I pass you in the corridors, it's getting on my last nerve._

_All my hate,_

_Evans_

**February 13th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**I will neither confirm nor deny your suspicions of my identity. You will just have to be in the courtyard tomorrow morning to find out, without your "date". Speaking of, who is the lucky bloke, hmm?**

**And in reference to your annoyance with a dashing mate of mine called James and his tendencies to proclaim his love to you between classes, he has asked me to tell you that he will not stop, because it is the truth, and because you look very pretty when you turn red, which you do when you are angry.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 14th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_I don't have to be in the courtyard. I know it's you, I just saw you write that note and pass it to Peter to pass it to Remus to pass it to Mary to pass it to Marlene who gave it to me. And no, I wasn't watching you, but considering this is Transfiguration, and we're supposed to be practising spells and not taking notes, it was quite obvious._

_I'm going out with Leonard Macmillan, not that it's any of your business._

_And I do not turn red when I'm angry! Just stop bothering me!_

_All my hate,_

_Evans_

**February 14th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**James was actually just doing his Potions essay that he forgot about in Transfiguration. So I don't know how Marlene got a hold of that note. Perhaps she's hijacking my letters. Not a very good friend.**

**Macmillan, hmm? Interesting. Well, I hope you both have fun today, seeing as you never showed up in the courtyard to meet me. Your loss, I suppose. I would have been much more fun of a date than some stuffy, Hufflepuff, straight-O's, Head Boy. Just saying.**

**And yes, you do actually. You were really red when that James Potter was making polite conversation with you at breakfast this morning.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 16th, 1976_

_POTTER!_

_WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WHY LEONARD MACMILLAN IS ALL OF THE SUDDEN HOSPITALIZED WITH GREEN BOILS ALL OVER HIS BODY? BECAUSE THIS HAS THE MARAUDERS WRITTEN ALL OVER IT!_

_I AM SERIOUSLY GOING TO HURT YOU! IF I REALLY DO TURN RED WHEN I'M ANGRY, WHICH I DON'T, BUT IF I DID, THEN I AM MAROON RIGHT NOW!_

_YOU BETTER HAVE AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS!_

_BELIEVE ME, I AM FAR BEYOND HATRED,_

_EVANS_

**February 17th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**I would like to take this opportunity to remind you once again that I, your secret admirer, am not James Potter. However, James has asked me to pass along the message that he has no idea what you're referring to.**

**But maroon, huh? That's pretty mad. Luckily for you, when you turn maroon, you look very, very attractive.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 18th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Really? You have no idea? Then why exactly did Professor McGonagall give you detention every Friday for a month, and ban you from Hogsmeade next month?_

_I don't turn maroon! I was just stating that if I did turn red when I was angry, then I would have been maroon! I was merely using colours to represent my anger level! Which, by the way, is still very high, as Leonard told me this afternoon that he thinks it is probably best if we don't see each other again, but couldn't give me a reason._

_Would you be able to tell me anything about THAT? Hmm?_

_All my hate,_

_Evans_

**February 18th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**No, I have no idea; I'd suggest you ask James himself. But he has asked me to mention to you that he has other ways of getting into Hogsmeade, and then he winked in a very charming manner that most girls find sexy and appealing. Or so he's been told.**

**He also said that he may or may not have said something to Macmillan, suggesting that you may or may not be secretly in love with an unnamed member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and that it would be in all of their best interests to quit wasting your time.**

**So tell me, Lily, are you in love with any Gryffindor Quidditch players? Most of them are really very handsome. Especially the Chasers. Just asking, as a member of an objective third party. I'd really like to know who my competition is.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 19th, 1976_

_Potter,_

_I don't have to ask you, evidently you'd been bragging to your friends quite a bit, and Sirius mentioned it to Marlene. Also, I don't doubt that you have other ways of going to Hogsmeade, but in response to your suggestive and I'm sure positively repulsive wink, no, I will not illegally accompany you to Hogsmeade at any point in time, ever._

_You may or may not have WHAT? Potter! I am not in love with any Quidditch players! I don't even like any Quidditch players! Besides Marlene, I mean. I don't like any male Quidditch players! No matter how handsome they are, or rather think they are in certain Chasers' cases! But I liked Leonard! Now, he won't even look at me!_

_You are so dead!_

_Evans_

**February 20th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**James has denied any connotations that may have come with his winks. However, if you change your mind, the offer to accompany him to Hogsmeade without express permission from a legal guardian or Professor McGonagall still stands.**

**I'm very sorry about Leonard. I'm not so sorry about the Quidditch players, but I do think that you are in denial about the attractiveness of the Chasers. They're all quite striking. If you were ever to consider going out with any member of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, I'd suggest a Chaser. I mean, if you were to break my heart by dating someone else once more.**

**By the way, I just wanted to let you know that when you were yelling at James this morning, you looked very hot. That jumper looks spectacular on you. You ought to wear it more often.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 21st, 1976_

_Potter,_

_I decline your ever-so-classy invitation to join you without permission in Hogsmeade. Ever. I am a prefect, you know. In fact, I should probably turn you in for going to the village when we're not supposed to anyway!_

_I suppose I really ought to reconsider the Chasers. Frank Longbottom and Marlene are both very nice-looking people, although I doubt Alice would want me in love with Frank, and Marlene and I are both attracted to boys, thank you._

_And shut up. Don't tell me I looked good, I was yelling at you. You'd do well to listen, then I wouldn't have to scream at you so often._

_Evans_

**February 22nd, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Are you sure you decline James' offer permanently? What if the right opportunity presents itself? You'll want to be absolutely positive before you make any executive decisions.**

**You know, there are three Chasers on a Quidditch team. You only mentioned two. Just reminding you to keep your options open.**

**James didn't say that you looked good, I did. But I'm sure that if he did say you looked hot, and received that reply, he might respond by telling you that he won't stop making you angry because then he wouldn't get to see you all pretty when you yelled at him later.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 22nd, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Trust me, no matter what the circumstances, I'd rather suffer the consequences than ever go to Hogsmeade with you. Illegally, or legally._

_I'm quite aware of the amount of Chasers on a Quidditch team. I go to all your matches. (For Marlene, you git.)_

_Fine then. I just won't get mad again, if you get such a kick out of it._

_Evans_

**February 23rd, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Okay, just making sure you're positive. Not that I'd want you going out with someone as charming, handsome, and all around brilliant as James. You'd be sure to fall in love with him forever, and I'd never have a shot.**

**You go to all our, I mean, the matches? I never knew that. I'm very happy to hear that the love of my life also has an interest in Quidditch.**

**So you're swearing off getting mad at James? Lily, love, as much as I adore you, between his clever knack for trouble and your fiery temperament, that is never going to happen.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_February 24th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_You know, if I didn't know for a fact that these letters were coming from you, not only would I be much more creeped out than I am, but I would think that you had a little crush on yourself._

_I am not the love of your life, so quit calling me that! I know it was you that spread around that I go to all the matches because of my secret love affair with one of the Chasers. Not very subtle, seeing as Frank has been head-over-heels for Alice for years now and as I've mentioned before, Marlene and I are not interested in each other!_

_If I hadn't sworn off becoming publicly angry with you, I would have slapped you by now._

_Evans_

**February 25th, 1976**

**Dearest Evans,**

**I wouldn't be so quick to judge, darling. After all, who wouldn't have a crush on James? I personally think that everybody would willingly snog me, I mean, him without hesitation if presented with the opportunity. Including you. You're just in denial.**

**Well then, if this isn't a love affair, what would you call it? It's hardly a friendly correspondence between mates. And I do wish you would get publicly angry with James, because otherwise, there is absolutely nothing to stop him from spreading the rumour that you've been in the hospital wing because you're pregnant with the child of your Chaser lover.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 1st, 1976_

_POTTER,_

_I GET THE FLU FOR FIVE DAYS, AND ALL OF THE SUDDEN I RETURN WITH PEOPLE ASKING ME WHEN I'M DUE? SCREW MY PROMISE NOT TO GET ANGRY WITH YOU ANYMORE, I AM ABSOLUTELY LIVID! AFTER I FIND YOU, YOU HAD BETTER HOPE YOU STILL POSSESS THE ABILITY TO GET ANYBODY PREGNANT!_

_I AM STILL HATING YOU, DON'T FORGET IT,_

_EVANS_

**March 3rd, 1976**

**Dearest Lily,**

**Sorry for my delay, but I have been in the hospital wing with my good mate, James Potter. It seems that you, in all of your glory, had used the same curse on him that he used on your delightful date, Leonard, and he has been unconscious for the past day and a half. Never fear, however, he is alive and awake, and should be released tomorrow. Just in time for Quidditch season to start again! Perhaps you'll come watch our, er, the first practice tomorrow evening? I'll be looking for you!**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 4th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_No, I won't be attending your first practice, seeing as I now have a detention for cursing you._

_It was worth it._

_Evans_

**March 5th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**So sorry to hear that! I'm rather surprised that you landed yourself a detention. Your first, I assume? Usually you're so much cleverer when you hex James so you don't get caught. But I suppose since you did hospitalize him, it would be a bit difficult to be discreet.**

**Will you be attending our practice next Tuesday evening though? I, for one, would love to see you after a few days in the hospital… with James, I mean.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 6th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Yes, it was my first detention in our six years here. It was positively horrible, I don't know how you've managed it, what, a hundred and fifty times? I'll be sure to be sneakier next time. That is, unless you decide to start some rumour about how I'm eloping to Spain with my Chaser lover._

_I won't be at the practice Tuesday. Marlene wants me to go, but I have exams to study for. I'm taking more classes than her, so she doesn't understand._

_Also, I'm trying to avoid seeing you as long as possible. I find that my life is generally more pleasant that way._

_Evans_

**March 7th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Ah, yes. James is truly a martyr. He's strong enough to handle the torture of a detention, whereas it has been proven that perfect redheaded prefects find the experience too much to bear. However, if you'd ever like to go back, I'll mention the eloping to Spain idea to James. I'm sure he'd get a laugh out of that.**

**I missed you quite a bit at our practice. However, you can't avoid seeing me for too much longer. We have Arithmancy tomorrow afternoon.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 8th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_I honestly don't know how much longer you can keep up this secret admirer nonsense. You're constantly talking yourself up and dropping obvious hints. You are the only Gryffindor boy in Arithmancy._

_And just so you know, I'd rather go to as many detentions as you've ever had back-to-back than elope to Spain with you._

_Evans_

**March 9th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Again, I will neither confirm nor deny your suspicions of my identity. However, if you were to agree to go on a date with me, I would reveal myself. Also, you've forgotten that Remus is also in our Arithmancy class.**

**Are you sure? I'm sure that James in Spain would be very pleasant. He does have a lovely vacation home there.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 10th, 1976_

_Dear POTTER,_

_You don't need to confirm or deny, and I don't need to go on a date with you, I know it's you! And besides, I meant Gryffindor boys in Arithmancy who are obsessed with irritating me with everything they do._

_Of course you have a home in Spain._

_Evans_

**March 11th, 1976**

**Dear EVANS,**

**Are you really so sure? I could be Remus. These letters really don't seem to be irritating you. If they annoyed you so much, why are you still replying?**

**And James does have a house in Spain!**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 12th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Trust me, if you were Remus, you (James) would have hurt yourself (Remus) by now for being "in love" with me._

_And I like to get mail._

_Evans_

**March 14th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Fair point. Touché.**

**Really? That's your reason? You like to get mail so much that you've been replying to a stalker for a month now? Positive it isn't that you're just as in love with me as I am with you?**

**All my hopefully requited love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 16th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_You hardly count as a stalker. Well, sort of. You're mostly just a nuisance. It would only be stalking if I didn't know it was you. But I do._

_You wish I was in love with you. Unfortunately for you, I was out with Ryan Davies Saturday afternoon. We had a lovely time. Don't hex him._

_Evans_

**March 17th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**So sure of yourself aren't you? Ah well, I can't complain. It's one of the qualities I love the most about you.**

**Davies? That skeevy Ravenclaw Chaser in the seventh year? Damn, Evans, I knew you had a Chaser fetish, but I think you could do a little better than that. I try not to hex your dates, but I'll let James know not to this time. Not that Davies really needs to be hexed; I'm sure you'll figure out soon enough what a weirdo he is. Then you'll come running back to me.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 19th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_It's none of your business who I go out with anyway. And I do not have a Chaser fetish! Ryan happens to be a very nice boy, and a very good Quidditch player anyway. Plus, he's an excellent snog. I won't be running to you any time soon._

_Evans_

**March 21st, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**I think it's a little of my business who you go out with. I have a right to know what bloke will be taking my rightful place each month. Either way, I wouldn't be spreading around that you fancy yourself a Ravenclaw Quidditch player, what with the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match on Saturday. During which I will be sure to inflict as much damage upon Mr. Davies as possible. For the spirit of the game of course, I wouldn't let my personal prejudices affect my Quidditch.**

**Eugh, don't tell me that kind of thing, Evans. I need to be able to eat tonight, and I can't do that when I'm picturing Davies shoving his nasty tongue down your throat.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 23rd, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_I don't really fancy myself any Ravenclaw Quidditch players any more. Ryan was awful sour after he lost to us yesterday. I don't really want to see him again. We might meet up over break though. Because, like I said, he is a WONDERFUL snogger._

_Also, don't bother me this week. I have a huge Muggle Studies exam on Thursday and I need to study._

_Evans_

**March 27th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**I tried not to "bother you" as you said, but I couldn't resist today. I received four top-notch Quidditch World Cup tickets for my birthday, and would adore your company. I was going to take my friends, but we can always leave Pete out.**

**What do you say?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_March 28th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_No._

_Evans_

**March 29th, 1976**

**Dearest Evans,**

**Worth a shot. Oh well, now Peter can come with us.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 1st, 1976_

_POTTER,_

_REALLY? JUST BECAUSE I'M DATING A RAVENCLAW QUIDDITCH PLAYER DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN CHANGE ALL MY THINGS TO RAVENCLAW COLOURS! I HATE APRIL FOOL'S DAY. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST FOOL OF ALL._

_EVANS_

**April 2nd, 1976**

**Dearest Evans,**

**No need to overreact, it was just a harmless prank. All your stuff has been changed back to normal. Granted, you did have to hold James Potter at wandpoint to get him to do it, but I thought he was a right good sport about it, didn't you?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 3rd, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Harmless prank? I had to walk around to all my classes that day in Ravenclaw gear! I got booed in the hallways! Not to mention, Ryan was totally flummoxed as to why I wasn't wearing my red and gold, and I can't exactly explain to him that another boy was in my dormitory and jinxed my things!_

_How did you get into my dorm anyway?_

_Evans_

**April 4th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Not too bright, that one, is he? Good thing he's handsome, and a "delightful snog", as I believe you so quaintly put it.**

**Magic.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 5th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_I don't understand why you're against all of my dates. I mean, I do, but why do you have to make it so open? It's really very aggravating._

_I don't believe you. Boys can't get past the girls' staircase, it's impossible. And so unless you got a girl to jinx my things for you…_

_MERLIN, YOU GOT MARLENE TO DO IT, DIDN'T YOU? JUST BECAUSE NONE OF YOU LIKE RYAN DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN ALL BAND TOGETHER AGAINST ME! I DETEST ALL OF YOU!_

_Evans_

**April 7th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**You said it, not me. I can't confirm or deny James' ways of messing with you. But I heard through the grapevine that you're not speaking with Marlene, so you can probably come to the conclusion that you're correct.**

**All my love, even though you did try to blast my glasses to smithereens,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 8th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_You heard correctly. I am no longer speaking with Marlene, due to her willingness to ally with you Marauders, among other reasons._

_I wish I did blast your glasses off. I wish I could blast your face off, so that next time you make me mad, you didn't give that stupid crooked smirk when I yelled at you._

_Evans_

**April 9th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Among other reasons? Do tell. Mostly because Marlene won't.**

**Your sunny disposition never ceases to thrill me. I love when you wish for my destruction.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 10th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Of course Marlene won't tell you lot, it concerns you. Or rather one of your mates. But it isn't my place to say._

_So glad I could warm your heart. I'm joking of course; I don't even believe that you possess a heart._

_Evans_

**April 11th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Which of my mates does it concern? She still won't tell us.**

**Of course I possess a heart, my dear! What else would I love you with? What else would drive my desperate attempts to get you to feel the same way about me?**

**All my love and desire,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 12th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Oh come on, now. Think really hard. What do girls fight about mostly?_

_I could think of a few other things that might drive your desperate attempts._

_Evans_

**April 13th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**I don't know, clothes? Makeup? Shoes? Boys? OH… Wait, she doesn't… One of my mates? Who?**

**Funny, Evans. Really funny. The only thing better than your sunny disposition is your sense of humour.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 14th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_She does. Don't tell her I said anything though! Please!_

_Evans_

**April 16th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Wait, which one of my mates does she fancy then? And why do you care if I say anything anyway? You and Marlene still aren't speaking.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 17th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Oh come on, I'm not going to give you all the answers! Just watch her, you'll be able to figure it out. She's quite the flirt._

_And I care because we're still best mates, even though we're fighting. It wasn't a necessarily final argument we had. I still care about her. I don't want to see her get hurt._

_Evans_

**April 18th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Sirius? It has to be Sirius. The two of them are almost sickening to watch, now that you told me to look for it.**

**That doesn't make any sense at all. Females. She hurt you, don't you want revenge? Isn't that why you're telling me what she won't?**

**But just saying, if that is the case, I don't think Sirius will hurt her. He fancies her too.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 19th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_You said it, not me._

_And no, I don't want revenge. I mean, sure it would be nice to get her back, but that's not why I told you that she fancies Sirius. But since you asked, and we're not technically friends right now, I shouldn't feel any guilt for telling you. Right?_

_Good, I don't want Sirius to hurt her. I want her to be happy. She's my best friend, after all._

_Evans_

**April 20th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Girls don't make any sense. You're mad at her, but you don't want revenge. You'll tell her secrets, but you want her to be happy?**

**When blokes are mad at each other, we just punch each other until we're good.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 21st, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Trust me, I'm well aware that we don't make sense. But it's better than fighting like a couple of barbarians._

_Evans_

**April 23rd, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**If you aren't going to fight, and you're going to help her out, shouldn't you just make up already? Or are you both just too proud to admit you miss each other?**

**By the way, Sirius is going to ask her to Hogsmeade for May 22nd once we get back from break. So that reminds me, are you interested? You'll finally get to know my identity!**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 24th, 1976_

_James, no offence, but your identity hasn't really been secret for a while now. You haven't even been bragging about yourself in third person._

_Evans_

**April 25th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**Are you sure you don't want to reconsider my offer? I think you've fallen even more in love with me. Recent signs have told.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer Whose Identity May Or May Not Be James Potter**

_April 26th, 1976_

_Potter, of course I don't want to reconsider your offer. I am not in love with you, and I never have been! What recent signs?_

_Evans_

**April 28th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Well, two letters ago, you called me by my first name for the first time ever. And you also included the phrase, "No offence", which are two words you have never said to me together.**

**Plus, the whole deal about you seeking my help to sort out your relationship issues with Marlene.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_April 29th, 1976_

_Haha Potter,_

_By pointing out that I called you James, you have also revealed your first name! So you can't keep pretending that you aren't yourself, even if I have been aware of it since your first letter._

_And I didn't seek your help, I expressed my opinions, and you expressed yours. You didn't help me one bit!_

_Evans_

**April 30th, 1976**

**Damn it…**

**Hey Evans, want to just pretend the last couple letters never happened?**

_May 1st, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Fine, but only to erase the fact that I called you James! Because it means nothing! Neither does my saying "no offence!" I obviously slipped up. I meant to say, "Offence intended."_

_Evans_

**May 3rd, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Fine, just keep denying our love. One day, you'll come 'round.**

**You can't erase the fact that you and Marlene are speaking again though, right after I helped you.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 4th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_What love?_

_So what if we are speaking again? Doesn't necessarily mean that I listened to you._

_Evans_

**May 5th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**The love that caused you to call me James just a few notes ago.**

**Really? Because from what I've heard, your exact words when you went to apologize were something along the lines of, "We need to stop being too proud to just admit that we miss each other."**

**Now confess that I told you that, and I won't sue you for plagiarism.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 6th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_I thought we agreed that that never happened! You can't reference it! Void argument!_

_Okay fine, maybe I somewhat possibly might have used what you said to apologize to Marlene. That doesn't mean that I took your advice though! I would have come to that conclusion on my own; I used what you said to say it!_

_Evans_

**May 7th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Fine. But you never said I couldn't use the fact that you've been writing me passionate love letters for three months now, which you have. That proves that you are in love with me.**

**Just keep telling yourself that, love. I'll be busy taking credit for your renewed friendship.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 8th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_I'd hardly call these love letters. I believe I've signed quite a few of them, "all my hate." And never once have I called you anything endearing._

_Marlene told me that she was going to apologize to me soon anyway! She said that since she was going out with Sirius and I was going to be okay with it even if I didn't like him, she had no right to be mad that I was dating Ryan._

_Evans_

**May 9th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**What would you call them, then, if not a testament to our hidden romance?**

**Uh huh, right. And who do you think talked her into believing that, hmm? You've forgotten that even though I've been writing to you for three months, I've been hanging out with her for the past several weeks.**

**Wait, are you still dating Ryan then?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 10th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_I'd call them written nuisances._

_Okay, FINE, maybe you had a little bit to do with Marlene and me making up, but you didn't help me!_

_Yes, what's it to you?_

_Evans_

**May 12th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Whatever you call it, I'll be bringing it up when people ask me, "When were the first signs that Lily Evans was actually in love with you?"**

**I just didn't realize that you hadn't broken up with him yet. I don't see you with him ever. So is that why you won't go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 13th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_You won't need to bring them up. I'll never be in love with you._

_You say that as if I'll be breaking up with him some time in the near future. We've been going out for two months now. And I do hang out with him, but he's a bit busy getting ready for the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff on Saturday._

_And in answer to your question, no, he isn't the reason I won't go to Hogsmeade with you. Regardless of whether I am in a relationship or not, it doesn't change the fact that you're an arrogant berk and I'd rather be caught snogging the Giant Squid than you._

_Evans_

**May 14th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**You say that so often, it's no wonder I doubt you.**

**Really? You'd rather snog the Giant Squid than me? I've heard that I'm quite a splendid snogger. Can't say the same about the Giant Squid.**

**Although I suppose snogging Davies is practically the same thing.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 16th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Well, considering it's the truth, you'd think I wouldn't have to repeat it so often. But you're incessant._

_A splendid snogger? Who told you that, your mum? Your pillow? Sirius? I'd almost bet that the Giant Squid has more experience than you. The last time I remember you having a girlfriend was fourth year. And that was Betsy Jorkins, for a week, because Sirius dared you._

_And that's rude. You've never snogged Ryan. Unless that's the snogging experience you're referring to._

_Evans_

**May 17th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**The truth? That's the story you're going with?**

**You know, Evans, you don't need to have a girlfriend to snog somebody. But I suppose a prude like you wouldn't really be exposed to scandalous acts like that.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 18th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Please, I've been to enough Gryffindor Quidditch Team parties to know that much. You get enough alcohol in your system and there go all your limitations. However, I have noticed that while Sirius, Peter, and sometimes even Remus make a habit of making themselves piss-drunk and escaping to the nearest broom closet or empty classroom with random females, you don't. Care to explain?_

_Evans_

**May 19th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Just because I don't make myself pissed doesn't mean I don't drink. But someone in our dorm needs to be sober enough to gloat and torture the ones with hangovers, and it isn't going to be those three.**

**Besides, has it ever occurred to you that maybe I fancy you too much to want to get with other girls?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 20th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Oh, trust me, I know you drink. Need I remind you of post-Quidditch finals last year?_

_No, that hasn't occurred to me, because I know that it's complete and utter nonsense. You're just trying to cover up the fact that while Remus and Peter are probably downstairs flirting with anything female in the common room and Sirius and Marlene are off doing who knows what in some abandoned classroom, you're stuck in your dormitory writing to me every night._

_Evans_

**May 21st, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Ugh, don't remind me. I can still feel the hangover from the morning after.**

**Well, it should occur to you, because it's not nonsense. After all, I've been sending you love letters for months, even if you don't consider them that. I can only hope that one day my desperate unrequited love is returned even in the smallest amount. Until then, I shall be holed up here in my dormitory pining over you while my mates do whatever it is they're doing that I really don't want to know at all.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_May 23rd, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Serves you right. Fifteen-year-old boys should not consume Firewhisky._

_Holed up in your dormitory? Pining over me? That's funny, because I could have sworn I saw you in Hogsmeade yesterday, holed up in Madame Puddifoot's, pining over Zonko's across the way. Who's the lucky girl who forced you into that predicament, hmm?_

_Evans_

**May 24th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Looks like those beautiful eyes are as functional as they are gorgeous. That was in fact me trapped in Puddifoot's. The other boys convinced me to get a date so I wouldn't be walking around the castle alone for four hours while they were frolicking about the village on their own romantic endeavours. Needless to say, I did not enjoy myself. I could only think of you.**

**It was Isabella Mockridge.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_June 2nd, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Either way, seeing you look so miserable certainly brightened up my date. Of course, only Isabella could inflict that much pain. Hadn't you heard by now how high maintenance she is?_

_Evans_

**June 3rd, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Brightened up your date, huh? Well, I'm glad. Even if I did have to suffer almost unendurable torture, it was worth it. Why would your date need brightening up? Davies' snogging skills beginning to falter?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

**P.S. It's been over a week since you last wrote me, everything all right over in Lily-land?**

_June 4th, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Everything's fine, I've just been studying for exams._

_Evans_

**June 5th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**That is one of the most complete and utter falsehoods I have ever seen written. You're forgetting whom you're talking to, here, love. I basically stalk you, and I know that you can only study in the library where it is silent all the time, and Moony has had us in there during every free moment all week studying.**

**What's been up?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

**June 6th, 1976**

**Dear Evans,**

**Seriously, where have you been? It was a gorgeous afternoon today, and the rest of the girls were all by the lake, admiring my stunning good looks in the sun. You were noticeably absent.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

**June 7th, 1976**

**Evans, did you even show up for exams today? I mean, I know you were there, I saw you, but after that, you disappeared.**

**And I know you're not in the hospital wing, I checked.**

**All my love.**

**June 8th, 1976**

**Look, I know you've been studying, but I think you could take the time and spare some parchment to at least write me a word or two. It's a bit rude to keep ignoring me.**

**Still sending my love.**

**June 8th, 1976**

**Lily, seriously? I know you're just up in your dormitory, Marlene told me! And I know something's wrong, she told me that too! So unless you answer me, I'm coming up there!**

**All my love!**

_June 8th, 1976_

_James, please just leave me alone. I don't have time for you right now._


	2. Summer

**June 25th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**I just wanted to apologize for irritating you the last week of term. I didn't know about Ryan, or your mum, I swear. Marlene only just told Sirius, who told me.**

**Hope everything's fine.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_July 2nd, 1976_

_Dear Potter,_

_Thanks. It's just been hard. I'm sorry for blowing you off, too. I shouldn't have taken it out on you like that._

_Lily_

**July 3rd, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**Don't apologize, I know how it is. My parents, well, my mum is pretty old, even for a witch, not going to lie. We lost my dad the summer after fourth year. It was rough, with him in St. Mungo's all the time before that, and even harder when I was away at Hogwarts. I hope your mum gets better real fast.**

**Plus, the whole thing with Ryan couldn't have made life any easier. Sorry he was such an arse to you, I know you liked him a lot. If it makes you feel any better, I always thought you were too good for him anyway.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_July 5th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry about your dad. It's scary, when one day they're perfectly fine and sending you letters and fudge and the next, it's a letter from my sister, which is frightening in itself, as she never writes me, saying that Mum might not even get out of the hospital this time. You understand. Either way, I'm still sorry for ignoring you._

_And Ryan, well, the funny thing is, I didn't even like him that much. I don't really know why I was with him. It just upset me being disrespected like that, if that makes sense._

_I don't know why I'm always going to you about my problems, you never really do seem to understand. I suppose I'm just lonely, stuck out here in Surrey with just my sister to keep me company, when she's not with her stupid boyfriend._

_Lily_

**July 6th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**You were with him because he was an awfully good snog, remember?**

**Just kidding. He can't have been that good of a snog if he was splitting his lips between two other girls. Any bloke who would cheat on anyone, nevertheless you, doesn't deserve lips. What a scumbag.**

**I know that I, for one, would never disrespect you like that. Hint, hint.**

**Just kidding, again. Kind of.**

**I do understand, though. Sure, I don't understand why you date any of those gits, and I sure as hell don't understand your friendship with Marlene, but I was still helpful, wasn't I? Don't deny it!**

**You know, if you're that bored in Surrey, you ought to come over to my place some time. Sirius is here now, and Marlene lives right next door, as I know you're aware. It would be lots of fun.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_July 8th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_I regret to inform you that sadly, Davies was a very good snog. No wonder the other girls wanted some. But you are right; creatures like him don't deserve lips, do they? Perhaps I'll take care of that for him if I ever do see him again._

_You're so insistent that you do understand my problems, but all the things you just listed that you don't understand are basically all my problems. I'm getting mixed signals here, Potter! Kidding. Perhaps you understand them better than I do. I really don't know why I dated any of those blokes either, seeing as the relationships that you didn't end for me (Macmillan!) ended rather badly. And you certainly aren't alone in not getting female friendships. I don't think most females get them either._

_It's so boring here. I'm the only one in my town who does magic, besides, well, you know, Snape. And obviously I'm not about to go become buddy-buddy with him again. And considering that he's about to have some of his creepy future Death Eater mates to stay for the rest of summer, I've actually taken you up on your offer. I'm staying with Marlene until the end of break. See you soon, then!_

_Lily_

**July 10th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**I'm sorry, but did I just read a threat to curse someone that you have had a spat with besides me? You're finally learning how to handle your problems, Evans! I couldn't be prouder!**

**You're really coming to stay? When? It will sure be nice to not have to be the third-wheel with Sirius and Marlene anymore.**

**All my love!**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_July 19th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_Sorry it's been so long again. My mum passed away last Tuesday, really, really, unexpectedly. We've been busy with the funeral arrangements. That's Friday, and then I'm leaving for Marlene's the Tuesday after that._

_I'll see you soon._

_Lily_

**July 20th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**I'm so sorry, really, I am. I understand completely. If there's anything we can do, just let us know. Sirius and I, and Marlene too, we're coming on Friday. We'll be there for you. Good luck this week. See you Friday.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_July 24th, but nearly the 25th, as I'm writing this rather late, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_I just wanted to thank you, and Sirius, for coming to my mum's funeral. I know she would have liked for me to have my friends there. I'll see you this week._

_Lily_

**July 25th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**Don't mention it. Your dad was really nice, and your mum seemed like she was a really wonderful woman. Now I know where you got it from. Sorry, had to work that in, or soon I'll have to stop signing my letters**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

**August 7th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**Sirius and I just got our letters from school. You and Marlene up for some shopping today?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

**PS: Because I also have some very exciting news that you will never believe.**

_August 7th, 1976_

_James,_

_Just got ours too! Marlene is primping, which means we'll be over in about an hour._

_Lily_

_PS: Could it be that you're Head Girl? Oh, wait, you couldn't be, seeing as I am!_

**August 7th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**Yet another thing I'll never understand about your gender: Why it takes you lot so goddamn long to get ready.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

**PS: You're Head Girl? Congrats! Wonder who your Head Boy is…**

**August 7th (But practically the 8th, as I am writing this at nearly midnight and Sirius is snoring beside me), 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**You aren't seriously mad at me for not telling you that I got Head Boy until we got back home, right? Because it will be awfully hard to work along side you this year if you're not speaking with me for "hinting around vaguely and teasing with information I had."**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_August 8th, but for all intents and purposes, the 7th, as the clock only just switched, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_No, not really. But I am just slightly put out that you wouldn't tell me right away. I thought we were supposed to be friends?_

_Lily_

**August 8th, since it is now quarter past midnight, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**I don't know, are we friends? I don't really remember us ever deciding to cross the border from "A One-Sided Relationship In Which I Am Desperately In Love With You and Your Greatest Desire In Life is to Toss Me Off the Astronomy Tower" to "Friends."**

**All my (friendly?) love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_August 8th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_Well, up until June, I think "A One-Sided Relationship In Which You Are Desperately In Love With Me and My Greatest Desire In Life is to Toss You Off the Astronomy Tower" basically fit the bill. But considering you helped me quite a bit dealing with my mum, and my break-up with Ryan-the-Moron, even if you didn't realize you did, I figured we had just unintentionally crossed the border. I did introduce you and Sirius to my dad as my friends. So yes, I think we are friends now. I am friends with James Potter. James Potter is my friend. God, that's almost as weird to write as "James Potter is Head Boy!"_

_Your friend,_

_Lily_

**August 8th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**I suppose you're right, we did unintentionally become friends. Hmm, I suppose we're friends now. I am friends with Lily Evans. Lily Evans is my friend. Still not as catchy as, "My wife, Lily Evans Potter," but it can work for now.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**

_August 8th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_Haha, very funny. Just because we're friends now still doesn't mean I fancy you any more than I did before. I can just take a joke now._

_Well, now that we've officially established our friendship, at one-thirty in the morning, and Marlene has fallen asleep, I'll be going to bed now. See you tomorrow. Or today, rather._

_Lily_

**August 8th, 1976**

**Dear Lily,**

**Right, a joke. That's what we'll call it. But I just want you to know, just because we're friends now still doesn't mean I fancy you any less than I did before. Just saying.**

**Good night. Or good morning. I guess both, since I can see from my window that you're asleep in the guest room. See you later.**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer**


	3. Seventh Year

_September 10th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_Hullo there. Remember me? At all? That girl you wrote to and hung about with until two weeks before September, when you and Sirius escaped to the south of France for holiday and Marlene and I were stuck back in Godric's Hollow? No? Oh, well I'm Lily Evans. Still not ringing a bell? I'm Head Girl? You're evidently very madly in love with me? Ah, now you recall. Good._

_Just writing to let you know that I recognize that your schedule is more full than most, what with being Quidditch Captain, taking many N.E.W.T classes, and being a full-time Marauder, but we do need to meet soon. You know, for the Prefects, and such._

_In addition, if you ever find yourself with a few free minutes, a letter every now and then would be nice. I never thought I'd miss my Secret Admirer, but seeing as I haven't seen you around practically at all the past week, well, let's just say it's rather odd considering I spent almost every waking moment with you and your best mate for a month this summer._

_Your friend and fellow Head,_

_Lily_

**September 13th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**No worries, I remember you. I'd forgotten we need to set up a meeting though. Let me know when you're free, I'll see when I can find time.**

**James**

_September 14th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_What? I don't deserve all your love anymore? No more Secret Admirer? Not that I'm really upset, but you haven't actually signed your letters since, well, we started corresponding._

_Seriously though, quite a short letter. And I don't mean short in that you only wrote three sentences and your name. I mean short as in you were quite short in your tone. I know you're busy being James Potter 24/7, but really?_

_I'm free anytime._

_Your mate,_

_Lily_

**September 16th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**No, I just figured since we're Heads now we ought to keep our relationship a bit more professional. We want to leave a good impression on the teachers.**

**Can you get word around that we'll have a meeting Monday night? That'll be the only night I'm not working on Quidditch, and things.**

**James**

_September 17th, 1976_

_Dear James,_

_Okay, seriously, who are you and what have you done with James Potter. No flirtations? No words of endearment? No asking me out at all? And now you want to be professional? I thought we were friends now? Or is that too informal?_

_I put up a notice in the Common Room, and put them in the Prefects' bathroom as well._

_Lily_

_September 21st, 1976_

_James,_

_What's going on? I was just kidding around before when I said you were acting weird and all, but you're not being yourself at all. You are totally and completely avoiding me and I don't know why. You're always up in your dormitory, or on the Quidditch pitch, and I can never find you. I tried to talk to you, you know, about the Prefect schedule, after the meeting yesterday and you ran off with that sixth year, Gwen. I didn't even know you hung around with Gwen. But you used to hang around with me. Aka, you hung around with me all summer. I don't want to go all diva on you, but I thought we were actually turning into really good friends and now it's like you don't even know who I am._

_If you're mad at me, or something, I'd appreciate if you had the decency to tell me to my face and not just ignore me and think I'm just going to go away. If I have learned anything from you, it's persistency._

_Lily_

**September 23rd, 1976**

**Lily,**

**Look, I'm really sorry. I won't deny I have been avoiding you, and you're right, if we're supposed to be co-Heads, I can't.**

**I can't really explain why I've been avoiding you, but please just trust me when I say that with where I am in my life right now, it's just going to be better if we're co-Heads and nothing else. Please just understand. I know you aren't just going to leave me alone, but I need some space.**

**James**

_September 26th, 1976_

_James,_

_Yeah, you're darn right you can't avoid me if we're supposed to be leading the sodding student body. However, if you insist on doing so, I believe I have a right to know why. I am not going to just leave you alone because you said please and gave some fancy explanation about your life. Because believe it or not, you're a pretty big part of mine. Not just since the summer, but you've kind of always been there. Annoying me, making me want to hurt you, but you've always been there. You've pushed yourself into my life and now you're my friend and you can't just suddenly decide that you're going to walk right out. We've come too far, and I won't let you._

_So if you can find the decency to haul yourself away from Gwendolyn Gomez for five minutes, I would love to hear your explanation. This should be good._

_Lily_

**September 29th, 1976**

**Evans,**

**I told you, I can't really explain it, but I've… changed and my situation has changed since we last hung around and it isn't, I mean, I can't… God, can't you just accept that maybe it's just going to be easier if we aren't friends? Let's just agree to be co-Heads and that's it. I don't see why that's so hard for you.**

**James**

_October 2nd, 1976_

_Well then, we're back to Evans? Fine._

_Dear Potter,_

_Maybe I don't see why you can't just fully explain yourself. The reason I can't just "accept" that we're through is because you make absolutely no sense! If you could just take ten minutes from your ever so busy schedule to explain to simple old me why exactly your complicated new situation is not allowing you to remain my mate._

_And that's why it's so hard for me to just "agree to be co-Heads and that's it."_

_Lily_

**October 4th, 1976**

**Sorry, then, Lily,**

**I can't just fully explain myself because it's a long story. I wouldn't know where to even start. It would take a lot longer than ten minutes. I just can't.**

**James**

_October 8th, 1976_

_James,_

_How long of a story? Can't I just get the short version? Besides, as Head Boy and Girl we're supposed to meet every week anyway and so far we've met once. And a half, if you count the train. That should be enough time._

_Lily_

**October 10th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**No, you can't get the short version. It wouldn't be fair.**

**I know we're supposed to meet, but what with Quidditch and N.E., plus the full moon coming up, and everything else, I just haven't had time. Honest.**

**James**

_October 15th, 1976_

_James,_

_Fine. But you have to tell me why we can't just be friends. I'm not asking for you to go back to fancying me or anything, I just need to know why our only contact has to be because of our school duties._

_Speaking of which, we need to set up the rounds schedule for after Halloween. Can we meet next week? I know that being James Potter doesn't allow for a lot of time, but this is kind of mandatory._

_Or, we could always meet in Hogsmeade next weekend to do it. Then maybe you could finally tell me why our friendship must end._

_Lily_

**October 16th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**I know, I know. Can we arrange a meeting Wednesday? After dinner?**

**James**

_October 17th, 1976_

_James,_

_No, I can't do Wednesday. I promised Marlene I'd tutor her in Charms. Let's just do it next week._

_So is that a no to my Hogsmeade offer? Never thought I'd live to see the day James Potter turned me down for a date._

_Lily_

**October 18th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**Fine, next Wednesday.**

**Yeah, sorry, I would, you know, just to explain everything, but I actually already have a date.**

**James**

_October 19th, 1976_

_James,_

_Oh, really? Well whoever she is, would she mind if you took an hour to explain to me your new situation? Or is it Isabella?_

_Lily_

**October 20th, 1976**

**Lily,**

**Yes, she kind of would. Not Isabella. Gwen.**

**James**

_October 21st, 1976_

_James,_

_I don't mean to pry, but since when are you friendly with Gwen Gomez? All the sudden we came back to school and you two were all buddy-buddy. No offence, I'm sure she's a lovely girl, but we were mates before you were. You can't just take a half an hour to meet me for a drink?_

_Lily_

**October 22nd, 1976**

**Lily,**

**I'm friendly with Gwen since she became my girlfriend. So I think she'd actually prefer it if I didn't meet another girl on our date.**

**James**

_October 24th, 1976_

_WHAT? Since when? How did that happen? Seriously? Why didn't you tell me? Is she the reason you can't be friends with me anymore? James Potter I want to know everything and I want to know now. Quit beating around the bush._

**October 26th, 1976**

**Lily, don't act so surprised. You couldn't have seriously not known. We've been going out for over a month now.**

**Yes, Gwen's the reason I would prefer to keep our relationship professional. Nothing against you, you're a lovely girl, but, Gwen… Let me start over.**

**I had a really great time hanging out with you this summer, don't get me wrong. I mean, I did fancy you for nearly three years, and you hated me for longer. The fact that we had even been talking through the letters meant so much to me, and then we became friends, and I expected there to be a lot bigger of a change in the way we were. But then over that week, there wasn't. And it got me thinking if being your friend was really what I wanted.**

**After that, I went on holiday with Sirius down to France. Our house down there is in a primarily Wizarding area, so there were a lot of kids from school there. Right next-door was Rachelle Ecourt's home, you know, the sixth year? And Gwen was staying with them. Anyway, my mum is pretty good friends with the Ecourts and invited them over one night and Gwen and I hit it off pretty well. We ended up hanging out a lot when I was down there, and I liked her quite a bit and it wasn't really a secret that she fancied me. And a part of me knew that I fancied her too, but the other part was still wondering about you.**

**I mentioned something about you to Sirius and he basically told me that from what Marlene had said, you were happy we were mates and that was where it ended. That's when I finally came to terms with the fact that maybe we weren't meant to be, and maybe you were never going to like me as much as I liked you.**

**I kept seeing Gwen for the rest of my time in France and then when school started, even though nothing was official yet. It kept occurring to me though how much easier things were with her than with you. All these years it's been this chase with you, and you never budged and I never budged and somehow we never knew where we stood. But with her, despite the fact that we weren't really anything, it was concrete but still able to change. I didn't feel any pressure to win her over, I already had. I wondered if that was what a real relationship was like, not just this cat-and-mouse thing we've had going for us. So I asked her out and she said yes.**

**I know I can't cut you off entirely, not with us being Head Boy and Girl. However, I'd really rather limit our contact to just that. I can't deal with the stress of you on top of everything else I have going on. And don't say that now that we're friends, we shouldn't have stress, because believe me, Lily, there's always stress when I'm around you. There's this constant pressure to know what you're thinking, why you're doing what you're doing, to win you over. And now that I have Gwen, I don't need another girl. I didn't stop fancying you, Lily. But I realized that you aren't perfect like I thought you were, and I'm not perfect either, and I can live my life without you.**

**I'm sorry to have to explain this to you in a letter, but I just didn't know any other way. I'm sorry, Lily. But please just let me alone.**

**James**

_January 5th, 1977_

_Potter,_

_We need to meet. We haven't done the January Prefect schedule yet and the meeting is Friday._

_Evans_

**January 11th, 1977**

**Evans,**

**Why weren't you at the Prefect meeting on Friday? I'm sorry I ditched you at the last minute and made you write up the schedule yourself, but it was a bit humiliating when we all showed up and there was no schedule! Everyone was blaming me.**

**Potter**

_January 12th, 1977_

_Potter,_

_Oh, did I miss that? Sorry, I had Charms Club._

_Evans_

**January 13th, 1977**

**Evans,**

**Charms don't meet on Fridays.**

**Potter**

_January 14th, 1976_

_Potter,_

_Quidditch doesn't meet on Thursdays._

_Maybe next time you'll come up with a decent lie when you want to skive off duties to go snog Gwen._

_Evans_

_February 7th, 1977_

_Potter,_

_We need to talk. Not about Prefect duties. Your girlfriend._

_Evans_

**February 8th, 1977**

**Evans,**

**What about her?**

**Potter**

_February 9th, 1977_

_Potter,_

_Yesterday after class, Gwen came up to me and started yelling about me being against her relationship and how you weren't my business and never were. So of course I told her that I had no idea what she was talking about and she whipped out all the letters I had ever written you and told me to 'back off' and to 'stop being such a bitchy slag' amongst other rather crude things._

_So, Secret Admirer, got anything to say about that?_

_Evans_

**February 10th, 1977**

**Lily,**

**Oh, Merlin, I'm really sorry. I didn't know she even had those. Really, I didn't give them to her, or tell her to tell you off like that. You have to believe me.**

**James**

_February 11th, 1977_

_James,_

_I believe you. It's fine._

_By the way, we should probably meet soon. Professor Dumbledore wants an evaluation of all the fifth year Prefects done by break next month, before the craziness of O. and N.E. set in._

_Lily_

**February 15th, 1977**

**Lily,**

**Oh, right, I had forgotten about those. Can we start them next week then? Say, Thursday?**

**James**

_February 15th, 1977_

_Sounds good! See you then!_

_Lily_

**February 24th, 1977**

**Lily, please come down from there. I'm sorry.**

**February 25th, 1977**

**You can't sit in your dorm forever. Sooner or later, we have to talk about this.**

**February 27th, 1977**

**Seriously, Lil, you've been in there all weekend! You can't avoid me forever!**

**February 28th, 1977**

**Lily, you've missed all the lessons we have together. In other words, all your lessons. I told you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… you know…. Please just come down so we can talk.**

**March 1st, 1977**

**Gwen and I split, in case you were wondering.**

_March 1st, 1977_

_Because of me?_

**March 1st, 1977**

**No! Well, sort of. But it was coming, anyway. I ended it with her on the 12th, in Hogsmeade. She was pissed.**

_March 1st, 1977_

_Why did you end it?_

**March 1st 1977**

**Lots of reasons. I told her it was because of what she said to you when she found the letters in my dorm, but that was mostly just a scapegoat. Don't get me wrong, I was angry that she did that, but I had wanted it to end for a while. It just didn't feel right.**

**Look, I know I said that the reason I didn't want to be around you any more was because it was too stressful. But I was wrong. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I just want us to go back to being mates, if nothing else. I thought that it was too hard to be around you because I cared too much about you, and about what we were, and because it was easy with Gwen that meant it was right. But then I realized that just watching you move on with your life without me in it even a little bit was the most difficult thing of all. And that it was so effortless with Gwen because I didn't care about her much at all, and not nearly as much as I do you. That's why I kissed you that night. And I'm sorry. Merlin, if I could take it back, you know I would. I care about you so much, Lily, and I'm sorry if that's weird for you to know, but it's the truth and I'm not taking it back.**

**Please, please, just forgive me. I'm not asking for you to feel the same way, I just need you back in my life. Please.**

**James**

_March 2nd, 1977_

_You don't have to be sorry, and you don't have to take back the kiss. It was just, I don't want to say weird because in all honesty it was rather nice, but it was under strange circumstances. At the time, you'll recall, I was still under the impression that you were in a relationship with a girl who had threatened my life, and so I panicked, plus the fact that we really had barely spoken to each other cordially for months, and that's why I ran out on you._

_Truthfully James? You were dead honest with me, and so I'll be honest with you. I fancy you quite a lot. And I have since before the end of last year, even when I was with that arse Ryan. I was in denial about it for most of the summer, and then I went to stay with Marlene and we were together all the time, and it was brilliant. All the sudden, the nice, fairly intelligent bloke that I had been corresponding with all year had shed his immature, arrogant shell and deflated his head and became you._

_But then you went away. And when you came back, you were different. You hadn't gone back to your pratty self, but you were cold to me and I didn't know why. I let you in this summer, James, when I was at a point in my life where I didn't want to let anyone in at all. I still don't know why I did, but I did, and in return you let me get to know the real, true James Potter. Then we came back to school, and he was gone, and you were telling me all these things about not wanting to see me again and it hurt me so badly and that's why I was such a bitch to you before winter break._

_I believe you when you say that you care about me. And I feel the same way. But I'm afraid to let you in again, James. I can't take it if you walk out on me again. Please go back to being the fantastic boy I got to know this summer, and not Gwen's James. Don't let him be gone for good._

**March 2nd, 1977**

**Lily, you have no idea how sorry I am that I ever chose to just leave you for someone like Gwen. You're so much… realer, better, more beautiful than any other girl I've ever met. I won't ever walk out on you again. Trust me.**

_March 2nd, 1977_

_How can I know for sure?_

**March 2nd, 1977**

**Just come downstairs.**


	4. Epilogue

It was surprisingly silent in the village that night, especially for a Friday in June. An almost eerie peace filled the humid air as the couple strolled down the road, in no real hurry. They gazed up at the majestic stone castle upon the hill as they walked. It was surely empty of students now, as they had all gone home for summer holiday, and the last teachers had just cleaned out their offices and departed for their homes for a short three months.

She let his arm go for just one second as he stepped aside to hold the door of the glowing pub open for her. She smiled at him as she entered, with him right behind her. The usually bustling Three Broomsticks was quiet tonight, with just a few villagers sitting at the bar. The pretty blonde waitress winked at him while he escorted his red-haired companion to their favourite table in the corner of the restaurant. He gave her a friendly grin, but his eyes never strayed from his date.

She slid into the booth and he sat across from her. They ordered their usual meals from the waitress, a friend of theirs, and laughed and joked quietly while they awaited her return. He couldn't help but admire the way her hair shined almost gold in the softly lit atmosphere, just as she was wondering to herself how he managed to make his mussed mop of dark hair look so attractive.

Before long, they had finished their food. The pub was entirely empty now. The blonde waitress kept ducking back and forth between the bar and the kitchen, preparing to close. He straightened his tie and ran a hand through his hair, his stomach flipping nervously while still trying to laugh at her joke. She had no idea.

"Lily," said James abruptly. "I, I have something for you."

"Oh," She looked slightly taken aback by his forwardness, but accepted the crumbled paper that he pulled from his pocket with a look of slight confusion. She smiled ever so slightly and began to read.

**June 9th, 1978**

**Hello, love,**

**Well, if you're reading this, it means I haven't chickened out quite yet. It's taken me weeks just to sit down and write this, but I knew it was the only way. In fact, this is about my eighth draft, so fingers crossed I get it right.**

**Gosh, do you remember one year ago, almost to the day? We graduated and took the final ride home on the train. I'll always remember it. It was my favourite trip on the Hogwarts Express ever, including the very first one. Because I finally had you tucked under my arm the whole time.**

**Now excuse me, while I get real sappy for a moment. I need to tell you how much I love you. And I know, you always yell at me about how cheesy I get when I even try to describe it, but bear with me.**

**Remember March 2nd? Of course you do, it's our anniversary. I spent months and months with that slag Gwen, and you fancied me the whole time. Merlin, I kicked myself for that one. But we had been writing for months and months and that was when we became friends, and that was when I realized that I was totally and completely in love with you for real. It scared me. I was a seventeen-year-old boy, what do you expect? Granted, now I'm only about three years older now, but things have changed.**

**And we spent the whole night writing to each other, the truth finally coming out. You had been up in your bed for over a week, still upset or pleased or whatever that I had kissed you. I told you to come down. The image of you coming down the steps for the first time is still engraved in my memory perfectly. Your hair was a mess and you were in your pyjamas and you looked stunning as always. And the look on your face was terrified, but still eager, I could see. The eager part of it totally took over when you saw the rose that I had (Reason Number One Thousand and One why Transfiguration will always be better than Charms. Plus, Remus never did notice that it was actually his favourite quill) and out of nowhere you leapt down the steps and you hugged me for the first time since the summer and that was when I knew that I had been right all along. You're the girl for me, Evans.**

**So that's kind of why I'm writing you this. Actually, it's definitely why I'm writing you this. If you haven't figured out by now, well, I want to marry you, Lily. I've wanted to since as long as I can remember and now that I have you, I don't ever want to let you go. You're perfect in every way, and don't try to convince me otherwise, you know you can't. I know, we've only been dating a little over a year, but I've loved you for so much longer. If I had it my way and could control the world, I'd wait years and years before doing this, to make sure that it was totally and completely right and perfect. But with this war and everything, well, you know as well as I do that we might not have years and years. So I'm doing it now. Because if I'm going to die fighting for this, I want to die happy, and the only way I'll do that is if I can finally call you Lily Potter, my wife.**

**So, what do you say, Lily? For the millionth time, will you marry me?**

**All my love,**

**Your Secret Admirer, James Potter**

She had always told herself she wouldn't cry over love, however, she totally forgot that while she read James' letter. Tears filled her eyes and she wiped them repeatedly. She saw out of the corner of her eye James getting up from his seat and kneeling beside her, but she didn't believe it until she read the very last line. She set the letter down on the table delicately and turned to see him gazing up at her with the most loving of eyes, ring in hand.

"Well," He said quietly, his voice shaking. "Will you?"

She couldn't help but smile as she took his face in her hands, eyes full of tears once again.

"Of course I will," She said, grinning wider than he was. "I love you, don't I?"

"I hope so," He said. "After all these years of admiring you from afar?"

She laughed out loud and he slid the ring onto her thin finger before their lips met for the first time all night.

"I love you," She whispered so that even he could barely hear her.

He smiled into her lips. "Finally."


End file.
